I Wish It Was Christmas Today

Since I first heard & saw “I Wish It Was Christmas” on SNL years ago (with Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan & Tracy Morgan), I have thought it was a fun song… and it has gradually become one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Just something silly to get stuck in my head.

Tony and I were just talking about the song with some friends last night as we discussed our favorite and least favorite Christmas songs.  I think I’m enjoying the song more this year because it’s wonderful to just have some fun with life… and we have so much Life to be thankful for.

Then, tonight, I was more excited than I probably should have been when I found out that Jimmy Fallon was showcasing this song on his talk show.

Some of you may remember it fondly.  Some of you may have never heard or seen it.

To all of you, I wish you a Merry, Joyful & Silly Christmas.  Have fun getting this song stuck in your head.

Jimmy, Horatio Sanz, Julian Casablancas, and The Roots:.

Happy Thanksgiving

What a great week it has been.  We are so thankful to be visiting with one of my brothers, Chris, and his wife, Es.  They drove down from IA and are spending Thanksgiving week with us.  It has been extra sweet since we haven’t seen them since their wedding 18 months ago.  There has been a lot of laughter, tickling and silliness… which is doing all of our hearts good, I do believe.
We are obviously extremely thankful for all that we’ve come through this year.  We are thankful for Josiah’s healing… and you can tell by the double chin in the picture that he’s back to being our chunky little boy.  It is incredibly overwhelming in so many ways when I think about all that our little man (and our family) has been through – the worst and some of the best.
I have always loved the passion of hispanic and latin cultures.  I realize that our family has ended up right in the middle of that passion.  We have the intensity of stress, trials, exhaustion and normal life craziness.  We also have had an amazing increase in the intensity of our love, appreciation and value of our time and life together.
A fellow CaringBridge mom, Holly, articulated some of my thoughts so well – “And so this Thanksgiving, although we still have much to be thankful for, I am reminded that some times, some seasons of life, we must be thankful simply for who God is, not just simply for the pain we have avoided. As a mom. I would love for my children to avoid pain, especially of this magnitude. But we are trying to learn to praise in the valleys and be thankful for who God is, no matter how horrific the storm we are experiencing.” www.caringbridge.org/visit/katemcrae
We are thankful for our Heavenly Father, His mercies and grace, our family (both here and around the world), our prayer support and church family, and all that God has provided for us… especially a growing and healed little boy.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Remember to be thankful

This has been an emotional month.  We’re still trying to sort out the insurance issues.  There is a lot of miscommunication or lack of communication between the insurance administrators, hospitals, doctors and us.  All of the money should be taken care of by our primary insurance or TennCare, but it’s just the hassle of getting it all sorted out.  Not really what I would like to spend our time and energy on, but I’m thankful that it should all be taken care of.
Tony had an interview for a new position with Chick-fil-A.  We got news this last week that they are going to pursue other candidates.  Thankfully, Tony found out from his boss that it was due to credit issues… which have not been helped with all of our hospital stuff.  It was encouraging to Tony that it wasn’t his personality or ability.  And, it means that it’s not a final closed door.  We’ll just work on being better stewards of what God has given and wait for His time and His provision.
In the midst of all of this, I have still been trying to process through some emotions that have risen up in regards to Josiah.  I’ve been having a hard time reading other CaringBridge entries.  I think part of it is because my heart is still so raw from watching Josiah go through his treatments.  Then, this morning, I realized that a lot of it is due to fear that this monster will come back to try to destroy my little boy.  So, I’m working on getting my mind renewed with the truth that I know… that God is faithful and will carry us through every step that we take no matter where those steps take us.
I’m working on getting something worked out for us to go bless the kids that are stuck up at Vanderbilt for Thanksgiving.  I know there’s a lot to be thankful for – in the midst of these horrible battles.  It’s so important for all of us to be reminded of that.
Right now, I’m especially thankful to have a weekend full of girl time.  My close friends and I flew a friend in for the weekend to celebrate our fall birthdays.  Our husbands blessed us with childcare and we’ve enjoyed some rich fellowship time.  What a wonderful blessing and reminder of how important good friends are.

Hmmmmm, now what

Maybe the title gave it away… maybe not.  I know I’m doing a lot of apologizing these days.  Life is insane.  Oh well, here I go again.

I apologize for not updating more quickly after the interview last Friday.  It was fairly anti-climactic.  There are so many applicants with so few stores opening, so Tony had a hard time getting a read on how the interview actually went.  It seemed like it went fine, in general.  CFA said that Tony would hear back at some point – either “yes, let’s move to the next round of interviews”, “possibly, but not right now” or “no, thank you for your time”.  So, that left us feeling like we didn’t have much to share.

Well, now we do have something to share.  Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait too long to hear back from CFA.  It turns out that they actually emailed Tony yesterday.  They told him that they have decided to pursue other candidates.

And… that brings up a whole slew of “now what” questions.  We do know that God is carrying us through this whole drama that is called our life.  Part of me is thankful that we don’t have to worry about getting everything together to move and all that it entails.  The other part of me feels sort of stuck in a rut.

In addition, we’re in the midst of sorting out insurance issues with Josiah at both Vanderbilt and UNC.  We are having to pay some to UNC until we can get the insurance stuff settled or get some financial assistance.  With Josiah’s new diet, there isn’t much room in our budget.  Tony and I are working on being the best stewards of our time and money… in the midst of the normal activities and stresses of our abundant life.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we sort out what God has for us and how He will provide as we search for His plans.

Fickle Friend

It’s amazing how days can seem to drag on for forever and, yet, I cannot believe that it’s already November.  To quote a classic dcTalk song, “Time is ticking away….”  The time change hasn’t helped either.  With Nashville being so close to the time zone line, it already gets dark here by 5:30.  Half of the time, I’m feeling like the day is already gone and it’s time for the kids’ bedtime only to realize that it’s 6:30 and I still have a good hour or two to fill up with activities for them.

All that to say, I figured it was high time I wrote an update.  Of course, since my fickle friend has me so messed up, I’m tired and it won’t be a very long entry tonight.

There are a couple of things that I wanted to share a little bit about.  Mainly, Tony has a big interview tomorrow (Friday) afternoon at 3 p.m. CST.  About two months ago, the doors began to open quickly for Tony to pursue becoming a Chick-fil-A owner/operator.  He had started the application last fall, but with Josiah’s cancer diagnosis, it was put on the back-burner.  Now that Josiah is doing so well, Tony’s boss brought up the possibility again.  Tony & I discussed and prayed about it and felt like he needed to at least finish the application and see what God did.  Well, long story short, Tony has an interview tomorrow with the CFA head of hiring for the west coast – just an example of God’s favor in this situation.  The normal timeline they gave us would have had corporate calling Tony around Thanksgiving to set up an interview.  When God moves, He sure can be quick when it’s the right time.  We covet your prayers – for the right doors to be opened and/or shut, for wisdom and clarity… and for peace that God continues to be faithful whether we have good or bad chaos in our lives.

For now, if you’d like an update on some of Josiah’s stuff, you can go check out www.caringbridge.org/visit/josiahzapata – it’s been an eventful couple of weeks for him, too.  I’m just too brain-fried to continue writing tonight.

Thank you for your prayers and for your words of encouragement.  Hopefully, time will not slip so quickly by before I update again.

Mind revealing

We have entered a new stage where my children seem to be coming up with some of the cutest, funniest, insightful or off-the-wall statements.  So, I thought I’d share some of the gems I’ve been hearing.

One morning, I was asking the boys to forgive me for yelling at them the night before.  I told them that I hadn’t used self-control like I should have and apologized if I had scared them.  Luca looked up at me and said, “Yeah, Mommy… you were kind of like the Hulk…. the girl Hulk.”  I have talked to him about how the Hulk doesn’t use self-control, so it was wonderful to hear that he actually listens (at times).  It also made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  Such insight from such a little man.

Today, there were a couple of great ones.  We were at the zoo and there was a guy there who was crazy buff.  I think his shoulders were probably 2 1/2 times as wide as his waist.  Anyway, Josiah saw him and said, “Mommy, that guy in the black shirt is really strong.”  I agreed.  Then, he asked, “Is he God?”  Wow!  I quickly told him that the man wasn’t God and that God is much stronger than we can even imagine.

After the zoo, we went through the drive-thru at Pizza Hut.  (One of the coolest new things I’ve found, by the way.)  The lady who took our order at the box was a southern african-american lady.  I didn’t even notice, but when we were driving from the box to the window, Luca said, “Mommy, something that lady said sounded like the crows from Dumbo.”  Another statement that I couldn’t argue with and was thankful that she hadn’t heard….

I’m so thankful to have these little moments with my boys.

One step closer

Today, I spoke with someone in the surgeon’s office at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital.  On October 6, Josiah will be getting his portacath taken out!  It is amazing to have these wonderful signs that Josiah’s healing is really true.  Praise God!!

Little Foxes

The Song of Solomon talks about little foxes that spoil the vines (2:15).  There aren’t always huge storms that try to destroy the fruit of our lives.  Sometimes, it’s all the little things that try to eat away our perspective and joy.

Sunday, I sent out an email to some close friends sharing that we had received a definite “no” on an opportunity that Tony had for getting his own Chick-fil-A store.  We had already started working on budgeting our finances now that Josiah’s hospital stuff has slowed down.  Of course, this news makes us a bit more aware of how we handle our money.

So, the point of all of that is we have now had some little foxes show up at the Zapata home.  Monday afternoon, I had loaded up the van with 3 kids (one with a freshly cut knee), a cooler, a pool bag, a gallon of tea, a pan of brownies… and a partridge in a pear tree.  We were just heading down the hill to a friend’s house for a cookout.  Well, I got it all piled in and went to start the van… and it didn’t start.  It seems like it wants to start, but it just can’t.

I moved on with the evening and had an enjoyable Labor Day evening with some friends.  We got home about 8:30 or so.  I started putting the kids all to bed, figuring that Tony would be home soon.  Josiah decided that he didn’t want to go to bed, so we began that battle.  I finally went to bed around 10… and Josiah was still up.  He wanted to go into our bed, but we’ve allowed that so much and he was really choosing to disobey.  So, when Tony got home (finally) at 10:30… Josiah was still up.  I think he ended up getting up at least every hour and a half, if not more, throughout the whole night.  Needless to say, Tony & I didn’t sleep too well last night.

Today went alright.  Naps went well.  Josiah told me that he had prayed to God  and He helped him sleep.  (That’s the kind of thing I like to hear.)  Luca had started complaining last night about his head hurting.  It kept hurting off and on today.  Then, his eyes started hurting.  I started thinking that maybe we would need to take him to get his eyes checked.  However, about dinnertime, he actually felt a bit warm.  I took his temperature and, yes, he had a fever of 100.7.  The icing on the cake of our 24 hour insanity.

Tonight, we had a wonderful bedtime routine and the children all went down easily.  Not sure if it was the routine or if it’s just because they were all exhausted.  I’ll take it either way.

In the midst of it all, I have chuckled in amazement and gotten quite irritated with those “little foxes”.  However, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is our Provider and He is where we get peace, rest and wisdom… so, I am reminding myself to keep my mind steady on the Source of all things.

“Official” Medical Report

I cannot believe that it’s been two days since our last visit to the oncology clinic and I have yet to write anything about it.  Time to resolve that…. 

It was a little bit stressful getting everyone out of the house, but I wanted to have us all go and spend the time together.  We took Josiah up to the cardiology floor first so they could do an echocardiogram.  They’ve been doing them periodically throughout his treatment to make sure that his heart isn’t showing any damage from the strain of the tumor, the chemotherapy or the radiation.  The tech was so friendly and interactive with Josiah, which is always nice.  Everything looked good in the EKG, thankfully.

Then, we headed up to the oncology floor.  It was so neat and wonderful to have all of the staff commenting on how big and strong Josiah looks… and how big the other kids were getting.  The nurse took Josiah’s vitals.  He’s up to 33 pounds – we have now surpassed his pre-diagnosis weight!  Josiah also is now 37 1/4 inches tall, a full half-inch taller than he was in July.  

The oncologist gave us the “schedule” for Josiah’s follow-up care.  In general, Josiah will be getting a CT scan every 3 months or so, meeting with the oncologist the week after each scan and blood work every 6 months or so for the next two years.  

They went ahead and did his blood work this week, which he was NOT happy about.  I know he’s gotten used to not being messed with, but the doctor wanted to go ahead with it since Josiah still has his port in.  Yes, they will be scheduling for his port to be removed within the next month!  

This, of course, is so welcome and feels wonderful to know that he is done with treatments.  It brings up some nervousness in regards to his upcoming scans because they will have to use a normal IV for his sedation.  Not sure how that will go.  The nurse did tell me that we could put the same numbing cream on his veins, so hopefully that will help.

Before the doctor left, we asked what his official word was on Josiah’s status.  He said that there is no active cancer and is in remission.  PRAISE GOD!!  We are so thankful and humbled by Jesus’ healing of our little boy.  It still feels a little unreal and I think that Tony and I are still a bit nervous about what lies ahead.  We’re trying to rest in the peace of God and the truth of where we are right now.

It also makes my heart ache knowing that there are so many other children (and adults) that are in the midst of a longer, more intense battle.  I heard this week that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  Our family is now “aware” of this sad fact year round.  Thank God that He is our Protector, Provider and our Peace. 

Please continue to pray for our transition into normal life, as well as those families who are in the heat of the battle – for rest, peace, understanding and healing.

New Beginnings

August has been quite a month for the Zapatas.  It started off still “stuck” in hospital mode.  I went through a really hard emotional time afterward, but have thankfully moved out of that… with God’s help. 

The last couple of weeks have been a joyous time of normal life for us.  I have heard that the number “8” symbolizes new beginnings and that’s what the end of this month has felt like. 

It started with the realization that Luca is starting Kindergarten!  I can’t believe how it has snuck up on us.  We prayed through the options and have decided to teach Luca at home this year, starting tomorrow.  Wow!  It’s a big deal to have your oldest child start Kindergarten.  We are so excited about entering this new phase with him.  He has already started teaching himself to read and is eagerly looking through all of his school books.  Hopefully, the enthusiasm will continue for both Luca and myself.

Two weeks ago, I decided to attempt potty training Josiah again.  We started on a Tuesday with his little potty and a chart that he could put fish stickers on whenever he tried to go.  He started filling up that chart really quickly.  We had to go to Target after 48 hours to let him pick out a Dollar Spot toy because he had filled up half of his chart.  It was amazing to have him wake up dry after his naps… and after bedtime!  Within a week, he was completely trained through the day AND night, with less than 6 accidents.  Tony and I are so proud of him and so thankful that it went quickly and smoothly.  Josiah has moved into a new stage of confidence and playfulness.  What a sweet, wonderful thing to watch.

In the midst of his potty training, my mom got to come out for a visit over Anastasia’s first birthday.  It had been almost 6 months since we had gotten to see her, so it was wonderful to have her come out to help us celebrate our little girl.  Yes, Anastasia is now one and almost completely weaned!  That’s so hard to believe in a way.  I think back on her year of life and am amazed at all that our family has gone through.  Thankfully, I have been able to treasure her infancy within the depths of my heart (and through photos).  It is a tremendous blessing to not feel like I’ve lost the year with her.  She is such a precious little doll that is developing her own personality, vibrancy and sense of humor.  

We had a wonderful garden party in her honor at our friends’ house.  Anastasia enjoyed her cake and then really enjoyed opening her presents.  Most of them were in gift bags.  She would take the paper out and peer inside.  Once she saw the gift, she would look up at us with big eyes, a big smile and then almost dive into the bag trying to pull out the gift.  It was so fun to see her point, touch, kiss, hug and “try on” the gifts that people brought for her.

The following day, we had the honor of dedicating her back to God in church.  We were humbled to be a part of the actual sermon, which was on 1 Corinthians 13.  That was the same passage that was used during our wedding.  It was amazing how God orchestrated it all to encourage Tony & me… and hopefully the others that were in attendance that morning.  Love truly does endure.

We’re going on three weeks without visiting the hospital.  Josiah has an appointment with the oncologist this coming Thursday.  It will be the first time Josiah has seen him since the hospital stay at the beginning of the month.  They have scheduled a CT scan for October 23^rd.  So, there is obviously no extreme concern for Josiah’s health at this point since we’ve moved into monitoring mode.  I told a friend yesterday that we haven’t heard the “he’s in remission” speech, but we are saying and believing that he has been healed.  That’s way better than remission.

Here’s to August 2009: the “end” of Josiah’s battle with cancer, the beginning of Luca’s school adventure, one less child in diapers, one more child weaned and walking… the beginning of a new season filled with hope, joy, thankfulness, peace and lots and lots of love.